Last night was horrible – I got stuck in a rut of “stinkin thinkin” and started in on my husband about what he was doing and who he was talking to while I was in rehab – we argued and discussed until we were both crying – Thank God or my Higher Power, or whatever you’d like to call Him, that my husband is patient and understanding – we were able to come to “terms” and made up before we fell asleep.
It’s my MO to self destruct when things are going good – it’s almost as if I feel like I don’t deserve good things in my life – I read once that “we all accept the love we feel we deserve” and there was a time in my life when I felt I deserved the very best, and that’s what I got from my husband. I’m still getting that love from him but for some reason I’m not accepting of his love.
I’m still praying for “The Grand Poobah” to take these feelings from me and allow me to enjoy the “best love” available to me (from hubby, from my daughters, my momma and my friends). Please pray to your Higher Power for me, I can use all the help I can get.
I pray the Serenity prayer every day, but I haven’t been able to muster up the nerve to dive in and be accepting, courageous and haven’t found the wisdom yet! I refuse to give up – I’ll take every day as an opportunity to find and live these things.
Ok enough of that – it’s time to cook breakfast for hubby since he went out to bale hay this morning at 5:30. Thanks for reading.