Struggling

I’m having major trust issues – I’m afraid my 28 year relationship with my husband isn’t going to survive.

Its sad that we are at this point in our relationship – I keep asking for answers from him that he refuses to address.

Ive told about his “hangouts” account but there so much more – he texted with what’s supposed to be my best friend while I was in rehab and deleted the conversations because he says he didn’t want me to stress about it but he kept the texts from what’s supposed to be his best friend telling him I was hallucinating and off my “fucking rocker” – then he tells me that the conversations with my friend was innocent and that there wasn’t anything personal at all and that she didn’t judge him yet he deleted it. He won’t tell me what was said. He even admitted that what he was saying sounded “fishy” (his word) but still no answers to put my mind at ease.

I’ve asked him about other things that cause me pause, he sticks with his elusive answers of “I don’t know” “I don’t remember” “what does it matter” and “Why do you care” he’s added a new one “why can’t you just accept my answers and move on”

While I was in rehab, I learned a few coping skills, I know about Serenity and accepting things I can not change, yet I feel like if we continue on this path of secrecy and denial, that things will become hard for us.  I’m already questioning his integrity. This is new for me because I’ve always and I mean ALWAYS trusted him to tell me the truth. However now after rehab, and the lies he’s admitted to, I’m having a hard time trusting and believing what he says to me. And when I push for answers, he says it’s not the right time to talk about it or says that he’s tired of the same questions over and over. When I tell him that these are the things that I need answers to in order to move on, he turns it around and says it’s all in my head and that what I’m saying sounds “crazy” or “weird”.

This morning I told him that until I get acceptable answers, that he should do his thing and I’ll do mine. He didn’t address it. I just asked him now if he was willing to accept my giving up on this and he said “I don’t know what to tell you” so with that, I have nothing more to ask or anything more to give to this situation.

The End!

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